So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
