Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
