If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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