Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
