My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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