Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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