I love black thongs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
