Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
