Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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