Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
