Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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