Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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