WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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