remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
