dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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