Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
