It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
