I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
