I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
