Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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