Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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