I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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