Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
