Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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