girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize