Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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