what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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