What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize