was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
