I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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