I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
