i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
