The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
please don't ironically join a cult
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