I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
