Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
