Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
