the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
