I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
