i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
