4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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