We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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