so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
