found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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