dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
