i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have feelings that need drinking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
