Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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