Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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