he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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