I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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