"it" just moved
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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