Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
