The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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