I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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