So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
