dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
