NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
