In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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