Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let's paint friendship bongs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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