just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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