Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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