Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
