I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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