you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
