Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
