he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
