i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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