she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
