Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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